You gotta face the Facebook

Well, my nieces and nephews are probably quite dismayed that I found them on the Facebook. (If you're reading this, kids, I'm not a dork. Our generation likes to add "the" to stuff like Facebook and Google, because... well, we're dorks, I guess.) There are probably some classmates out there who are equally dismayed.

On the other hand, now they know I'm on the Facebook, too. Didn't think that one through very carefully, did I?

Now all I need is a dog and my pipe

Hey, does everyone remember the story about my new boots? I got new boots! No, that's pretty much the whole story, actually.

Anyhoo - the back story on this is that my sister had given me a pair of Uggs, a few years ago, which is pretty cool because Uggs are outrageously expensive. (My nephew had grown out of them and they fit me perfectly. See? God does too love me!) Well, this year they had a blow out and I mentioned it to my sister, so she bought me a pair of Timberland boots. That's pretty cool, in and of itself, but she also bought me a pair of slippers.

Now, I'm not normally a slippers kind of guy, but, as I may have mentioned, it's been hellaciously cold around here lately. And my "office" sits over an empty hallway, so the floor is pretty freakin' cold on the toes. Well, lemme tell ya, there's a new slipper guy in town and it's me!

I'm tempted to subscribe to the newspaper, so I can wander out to get the paper in my robe and slippers. Scratch that - they'd deliver it inside the door, and I don't have a robe. Though I suppose I could buy a robe then wander over to Fareway to get the paper. "Morning, Mrs. Fjelterhagensgaard! Beautiful day, isn't it?"

I am liking this idea...

Happy Festivus!

I know you're probably thinking, "Hey, Scott - how can I be joyful when Dick Cheney still walks the Earth?" Well, truthfully, you got me on that one, but sometimes it's just a matter of will power. Or a national commitment to victory, if you will.

But Festivus is here, once again. So, gather your loved ones and air your grievances; raise the aluminum pole; revel in the feats of strength. Really, it's a shame we have to wait for Festivus to enjoy those things.

It's a gorgeous day and I should probably get out there and do some Festivus shopping. (read: buy some clothes so I can put the laundry off for one more day.) One advantage of small town America is that you don't have to fight the crowds at the malls. God I hate the crowds at the malls. I suppose Wingnut-Mart is just a small town version of the mall, but I don't go there very often, which helps me maintain my small town innocence and real American values.

Anyhoo - enjoy the holidays! If you're in D-town, look me up and we'll grab a beer or some nog of some kind.

Roanoke 52101

The storm was brutal and far greater than we had feared. We are trapped, unable to gather supplies or journey to the neighboring villages. Our stocks run low and already we have begun to see a glimpse of the devastation that awaits our small colony. The children are wan; mothers are unable to stifle their cries of hunger.

So great is the snowfall that we have lost sight of our livestock, even though they are some small rods away from our homes. Those animals who manage to survive the snow will surely fall to the roving wolves whose nightly wailing prevents us our sleep.

We cannot heat our small abodes, as the firewood is buried so deeply that we cannot see it, and venturing to the woods would leave us lost and mean certain death. I fear this to be the end of our colony and its faithful citizens. We place our hope in Gold Almighty, but catch ourselves questioning how he could visit such a calamity upon His own.

We shall have naught but prayer for our Supper again tonight. May this record survive to inform those who shall come after us, and may God have mercy on our souls.

Is that an icicle in your pants?

Man, it's freaking COLD here!   Thank god my internal organs are protected by this newly acquired layer of Grinch fat, or I don't know what I'd do.  It's another good day to stay inside but I have some errands to run, which means I get to try out my new boots! Um, yeah, I know - wearing a new pair of boots isn't particulary exciting in the big picture, but... new boots!  (Little secret:  I'm wearing them right now.  Inside!  As I type!  Cuz they're new.)  And really, who doesn't get a secret thrill when someone says, "Hey, are those new boots you're wearing?"?  I know I do.

It's snowing again.  (Albino brain chiggers!  Cover your ears!)  It's like God is saying, "Scott.  Dude.  Get your damned skis!"  Makes me wonder if I should get those skis I've been thinking about.  And I know the ladies in town are anxiously waiting to see me in my skinny spandex ski pants.  I hear you, ladies... I hear you.

I suppose I should get going.  

Must come down

In a continuing attempt to mess with my head, the weather has taken a turn and it's -21F with the windchill, today. To put that into practical terms, it's too damned cold to go outside and do anything.

This will not stand.

The Big Thaw

I'm very confused. The temperature is over 30 degrees today, which seems unmonthably mild. (unmonthably? That's a word. I just made it up, but it's a word.) There's hardly any sign of the big storm that hit us a few days ago - not that I'm complaining.

This is the time of year when people start saying things like, "We need a good cold snap to get rid of all those cold germs!", and other people nod their heads in the shared profundity of it all. Oh, I suppose there's probably some truth to it, but it always makes me chuckle.

I still haven't picked up my X country skis but there's plenty of time for that. Well, judging by my recently developed Kidney Protection Layer, maybe I need to get on the ball. On the other hand, I seem to have grown into my new jeans, so maybe I'm better off not messing with the ol' waistline. Seriously, jeans are a lot cheaper than skis, so... No, who am I kidding - I need the exercise.

Speaking of puppies (hm? what?) my friend is going to have an adorable litter of labradoodle / retrievadoodle puppies in the next couple months. Any takers? They're going to be awwwfully cute! I should also take this time to remind you that it's a good idea to spay or neuter your pets - especially if you have a male and female dog in the same household. Ahem...

Oh! The online charity I'm working with is doing really well (no thanks to PayPal, yeesh!). I posted something this morning and we received over $800 in donations in just a couple hours. That means we can do some real good for some folks who are having a tough time. And there are plenty of them, frankly. With children. Frankly, it would be depressing if we weren't working to help make a better holiday season for them. I think I may have found my calling, to be honest. I just need to find a way to make a living at it and I'd be good.

Anyhoo - that's about it for now. Hope you're all having a great weekend, so far.